My Tipping Point.

When you make a decision, there’s a tipping point.

For every new chapter in your story there’s a moment when you say “that’s it” and embark on a new branch of discovery.

For me, this tipping point came at work, on a mundane, average day. Sitting in my chair, my back aching, my mind foggy and my inspiration lacking, I asked myself what was wrong and for the life of me I couldn’t think of an answer.

Knowing something is wrong in your life, and not being able to pin-point the reason is super-fucking-scary! You run through the typical list: career *check*, relationships *check*, health *check*. Everything seems in order, nothing to see here, move along… except it wasn’t in order, and I felt myself increasingly anxious about my place in the world.

In Malcolm Gladwell‘s book ‘The Tipping Point’ he says:

“Look at the world around you. It may seem like an immovable, implacable place. It is not, With the slightest push – in just the right place – it can be tipped.”

If I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, then how could I push my world around in order to create space to find out?

BAM! SOBRIETY!

Over the years, I’d tried sobriety on for size for varying lengths of time and with mixed results. I would have never called it sobriety in my twenties, preferring the easier to swallow “taking a break from drinking for a bit”.  Announcing to the world that you’re going to stop doing something socially acceptable and fun makes you a pariah, so I avoided it. But avoiding public commitment inevitably led to me drinking regularly again, and so I’m choosing a different route this time.

My tipping point wasn’t some awful bottom, or ridiculously tragic event. Ultimately I just got tired of the status-quo and decided that eliminating the time, energy and money spent on alcohol would open up a bunch of previously barred doors.

I pushed my world askew and now I’m just waiting to see where it goes.

 

Fear is a choice.

This is where I tell you how scared I am.

I’m scared that if I stop drinking, I’ll have to face a reality I’m not ready to confront. Impulsive decisions, lacklustre efforts, half-hearted investments, how did they add up so quickly?

I don’t even feel like I have a problem… but isn’t that what we all say? I’ll admit this: I feel like I’m not living up to the person I always thought I’d be. I can see how I’ve used social drinking, and it’s consequences, as an excuse to give a shit-poor effort in virtually every stage of my adulthood.

So, now that I’ve identified what’s holding me back, it’s impossible not to change. Right?!

What scares me more than confronting reality, is the thought that I’ll still be mediocre without the hinderance of alcohol. Imagine, not being able to blame your complacency on a substance, but rather discovering that you, yourself, are average.

I’m going to pretend that’s impossible for now.
I’m going to choose courage.